


Wingdings

by efrondeur



Category: RWBY
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Crack, Dancing, M/M, Memes, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 20:48:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7403770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/efrondeur/pseuds/efrondeur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James needed to go out and get some ass. He got some ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wingdings

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crack fic because I'm trash and I hate myself. This is the worst dancing and sex I have ever seen or written and honestly I don't even care.
> 
> Also, don't start writing a fic that you want to be serious and then listen to Baby Got Back by Sir Mix A Lot.
> 
> This is named Wingdings because I jokingly posted on the IDS chat that I should post this in wingdings and make it completely unreadable, but then quickly found out that that would be really hard to do. And I couldn't think of a good name...

"No," James said. His arms were crossed over his chest as he leaned against his kitchen counter.  
  
"C'mon. You need to," said Glynda sternly.   
  
"You haven't done anything fun since we had your freedom party," Winter chimed in.   
  
He didn't remember that party as well as he should have. Glynda, Winter, and Ozpin threw him a huge party, inviting more than half the city of Vale, the moment he was taken off all the rest of his medications. He had been out of the hospital and had Winter taking care of him for three months before he was finally cleared. He had never had more to drink in his life. He had no idea what happened after his fourth shot twenty minutes into the party. The last thing he remembered was taking body shots off of a clown.   
  
"Exactly, you need this," Glynda said, interrupting him from his thoughts.   
  
James sighed. "If I go, you guys can't hound me for three months."   
  
"One," said Winter.   
  
"Two."   
  
Winter and Glynda looked at each other. Winter nodded. "Two," agreed Glynda.   
  
"Good. Let's get dinner before we go."   
  
/////   
  
After dinner, Glynda and Winter dragged James into the club after flirting with the bouncer to get them in. James was quite surprised, if not a bit perplexed. And maybe mildly aroused. Glynda had always seemed to be able to get whatever she wanted, James just thought that was because everyone was afraid of her.   
  
Glynda beelined over to the bar and, probably due to some sort of black magic, managed to get two shots for each of them, one raspberry vodka, one cinnamon whiskey. They quickly downed the shots. Why she got some of the most different things she could, he didn’t know, but he wasn’t really complaining.   
  
James was looking through the crowd of people swarming the dance floor when he spotted a familiar tuft of blond hair walking towards the three of them.   
  
"Taiyang! Fancy seeing you here," said Glynda as she finished downing her last shot.   
  
A huge smile broke out across Taiyang's face as he walked over to hug Glynda. They both went for the over the shoulder hug, both switched to under, and, after way too long of the weirdest dance ever, they just shook hands. Afterwards, he came over and shook James' and Winter's hands. They had somewhat known each other as James and Winter frequented his restaurant, Hot Tai's Hot Thai.   
  
"It's good to see you here, James," said Taiyang, placing his other hand over their handshake. _I'm happy you're doing better_ was left unsaid.   
  
"It's good to be here," replied James.   
  
A man walked up to Taiyang and lightly hit him on the bicep. "Tai Tai, I don't know what you were talking about, but no one here is much of a 'catch'," the man said.   
  
The man was dressed in a slightly ripped, jet black, _form fitting_ jeans and a deep red, distressed t-shirt. He was wearing black eyeliner and mascara that brought out the marinara-covered-meatball color of his eyes. His hair was slightly lighter than his jeans, fluffy, and slightly spiked in the back, perfect for pulling.   
  
James shook himself out of it just in time to see the man smirking as he watched James ogle him. James cleared his throat and looked away, only to find himself looking back at the fucking _beautiful_ man.   
  
"Qrow, this is James Ironwood, James, this is Qrow McCrow," said Taiyang. Qrow hit him in the stomach. “Branwen,” he corrected. Huh. Qrow. Fitting.   
  
James held out his hand to Qrow, who took it without hesitation.   
  
"Hey handsome," said Qrow, smirking and vigorously shaking his hands.   
  
James smiled sheepishly as the back of his neck flushed.   
  
Qrow slowly nodded his head over to the dance floor. "Wanna dance?" he asked.   
  
James looked over at Glynda, who smiled, nodded, and waved him away with her hand. "Uh, yeah," said James. Qrow ;)ed back at Glynda.   
  
Qrow, hand still in James' started to guide him over to the dance floor. It was then that James could finally get a look at Qrow's ass, and damn Qrow had _back_ . His ass was so round, _the things he could do with that_ .   
  
His metal cobra really wanted that.   
  
Qrow led him through the throngs of people into the center of the dance floor, where everyone was either crunk, too busy to notice them, or both.   
  
Qrow stopped suddenly and James bumped into him. As he stepped back Qrow stepped with him, keeping his back pressed against James.   
  
He arched his back, rested his head back on James's chest and looked up at him. James shuddered. His hips were pressed against Qrow's ass, and Qrow was looking at him with wide, playful eyes.   
  
James realized after a moment that Qrow was looking at him as a way of asking permission. James nodded and smiled.   
  
Qrow rotated his hips slowly, closing his eyes. James's donger twitched in interest.   
  
James tentatively put his hands on Qrow's hips, but held tighter when Qrow placed his hands over his.   
  
Slowly, James started grinding his hips along with Qrow. He ran his hands up Qrow's sides after Qrow lifted his hands above his head, crossing them at the wrist.   
  
Qrow stopped rotating and started swaying his hips, still grinding down against James. James had no idea what to do, so he stood there. Like a gnome. Stuck in one position.   
  
Qrow stopped and turned around quickly.   
  
"Did I go too far?" asked Qrow. His eyes were wide with concern and his brow was pinched together.   
  
"No, no, no, no, no. I just... didn't really, uh, know what to do," responded James. He looked at the ground as he felt his face flush. "It's been awhile," he said quietly.   
  
Qrow used his index finger to redirect James's gaze to him. "Then let's go slow," Qrow said, as gently as he could.   
  
He wrapped his arms around James's neck and they swayed to the music. Once James starting moving his hips, Qrow starting making minute rolling motions against James' no-girls-allowed area.   
  
James reciprocated to the best of his ability. He looked down at Qrow and saw him staring at him. His eyes dilated when James' gaze met his; he ground harder against James, and James felt Qrow's wang-a-lang through his pants.   
  
James groaned softly, closing his eyes. He felt a hot, wet mouth against his collarbone and, goddamn, his Sir Stiff-a-lot was really starting live up to it's name.   
  
He barely stifled a whine in his throat, but Qrow must have noticed. He pulled away from James' neck. "My apartment is only a block and a half from here."   
  
James groaned and grabbed the back of Qrow's head to pull him into a short, but deep kiss. Instead, the tip of Qrow’s nose ended up in James’ mouth. James’ cheeks went scarlet.   
  
Qrow pulled back and wrapped his arms around James' neck, actually placing James’ mouth hole on his, and James moved his hands to squeeze Qrow's hot cross buns. Qrow moaned into James' mouth.   
  
Qrow pulled away "Hey, this beat really is sick, but I want to ride your disco stick somewhere else," he said. "Let's go to my place."   
  
James nodded. Qrow took his hand and led James through the crowd one more time.   
  
The walk to his apartment was short and handsy. James had his hand on Qrow’s badonkadonk. Qrow kept on brushing his hand against James’ prostate smasher. And, god, if James didn’t love it.

They took the elevator up to Qrow’s floor. There was an older couple wearing straight pride badges in the elevator, so naturally, James and Qrow made out as sloppily as possible. With Qrow pinned to the side of the elevator, they grinded on each other, moaning, mouths open in deep, wet kisses.

The couple rushed out of the elevator. James and Qrow laughed after them.

Qrow pulled James into his apartment and James pinned him again, but this time against his his rainbow-painted door. Qrow hiked his legs up around James’ waist. A noise of sexual pleasure ripped itself from James’ throat.

He attached his food cave to Qrow’s collarbone, sucking a myriad of marks into his skin. Qrow bucked his hips against James.

“We should–ungh–we should probably go to the bed,” said James.

“Oh we’re not sleeping just yet,” breathed Qrow, ducking his head to kiss down James’ jaw to his shoulder.

“You know what I mean, Qrow.”

Qrow pointed down the hallway. “Onward horsie.” James neighed and carried Qrow down the hallway.

He set Qrow down on the bed and stepped back to take off his shirt, revealing his prosthetics.

“Ooooh, you’ve got the beep boops,” said Qrow, eyes ablaze with curiosity and hunger. “C’mere.”

James stepped back over to him. “They’re prosthetics.”

“Beep boops,” said Qrow sternly. He put his hand over the right side of James’ chest, and then ran his hand down to his abs. James shuddered slightly. “You can feel this?”

“Yeah,” breathed James. He put his right hand over Qrow’s and brought it up to kiss it. “There’s more.”

“Can I see?”

James stepped back again and bent over to take off his pants. When he came back up, Qrow’s shirt and pants were off and he was staring hungrily at James. How the heckie did he move so gosh darn quickly? His eyes raked James’ body as if he were a poorly kept lawn filled with leaves.

“Damn, son. Ten out of ten, would ogle again,” said Qrow. He licked his lips.

“ _Please_ don’t call me son right now.” Qrow laughed.   
  
Qrow put his thumbs into the waistband of his own boxers, pulling them down with agonizing slowness. James let out a whine. "Stop teasing," said James. "Release the Kraken."   
  
Qrow would _never_ admit it, but that actually made his ding dong harder.

Qrow pulled off his boxers. God, James was _so_ gay. “Now you.”

James was ogled once again as he pulled off his white briefs. “Please, I want your iron Cthulhu to wreck me,” breathed Qrow.

“Lube first,” said James. Qrow pointed to the night table. James grabbed the bottle and climbed onto the bed and over to Qrow.

Qrow put his hand around James’ neck and brought him down for a searing kiss, full of mouths.

James ground his hips against Qrow’s. Qrow moaned and released James. “Hey, I said it and I meant it. _Wreck me_.”

James shifted back and poured the asshole butter onto his metal fingers. Qrow opened his legs. James traced his finger around Qrow’s booty hole; he slowly started pushing his index finger into Qrow.

After a moment he added another and crooked his fingers. Qrow _keened_. James laughed. He added another finger, toying with Qrow’s prostate, for a couple minutes before pulling out.

He buttered up his iron eggplant. Qrow nudged his legs further apart, closing his eyes. He felt James breath on his jaw and the sweet slip ‘n’ slide of his steel fun stick. Qrow moaned, low and throaty.

James slowly pulled out, only to shove his fuck rod back into Qrow, knocking the breath out of the bird man. He repeated this, slowly pulling out and then ramming back into Qrow like he meant it as much as he meant it when he said he loved Ozpin’s cooking.

Qrow slowly grew louder and louder. “God, Jimmy, fuck me with your wang doodle,” said Qrow, voice low and head thrown back.

James stopped. “Say it like you mean it, Qrow,” said James, practically growling.

Qrow shivered and opened his eyes, looking directly at James. “I want you to ram me with your peepee.”

James dashed back into motion, slamming into Qrow like there was no tomorrow. Qrow whined and held onto James’ shoulders, the force of James moving him too far away from the man. “Fuck, James, touch me. Fucking stroke my knob.”

The taller man grabbed at Qrow’s whoopie stick, eager to get his doting fuck buddy off, and started tugging.

It wasn’t long before the two of them both finished, shouting nonsensical words and sounds of pure elation. And maybe a swear or two… or five-hundred if you were Qrow.

James pulled out his thundersword and laid down next to Qrow, too tired to clean up. Qrow snuggled into the bed next to him. Qrow sighed “Great mate I rate eight out of eight, would rate again.”

James let out a huff of laughter. “Shut up, you filthy memer.”

“I am not filthy,” said Qrow, in mock offense. James looked down towards his stomach, where a pool of come lay. Qrow blushed. “Not a fucking word.”

James laughed again. Qrow hummed as he slowly started drifting off into the Neverland that was his mind. James watched him, like a fucking creep, as he drifted off himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Well. Anywho, [I'm on tumblr here](http://qrowisbae.tumblr.com)


End file.
